:: TOMFOOLERY ::

:: Sunday, April 11, 2004 ::

its 4:09 on april 11. i have an economics exam in two days.

jodi's msn name reads 'tonight its only me and you.' curiosity overtakes me; mistake #1...

ego:
only you and who?

amica:
you

ego:
yeah but whos you?

amica:
tom

ego:
no

ego:
tonite it's only tom + his calc text

ego:
so youve got to be thinking of some other you

amica:
lol

amica:
damn

amica:
okay

amica:
soooo

amica:
its

amica:
you

amica:
you kno

amica:
you/

ego:
uhh...

ego:
yeah...

ego:
that guy

ego:
definitely

amica:
exactly

amica:
the one with the face

amica:
and the hair

amica:
yea him

ego:
yea

ego:
he seems

ego:
...

ego:
normal

ego:
good for you

amica:
thanks

ego:
uhh...

ego:
how do i put this?

ego:
...

ego:
im jealous

amica:
well u should

amica:
cuz u kno

amica:
you..

amica:
yea you is really hot

amica:
and like

amica:
woaw.

amica:
that butt

amica:
man

amica:
you has a great butt

ego:
see jodi your grammar is kind of off here

ego:
because you has actually conjugates to 'you have'

amica:
but you is a person

amica:
a name

amica:
and you wouldnt say

amica:
jodi have a great butt

ego:
yea except see im you

amica:
youd say jodi has

amica:
haha

ego:
so

amica:
you're not me!

ego:
yeah

amica:
how dare you

ego:
i am so you

amica:
no way man

amica:
how did u become me?

ego:
no no

ego:
im not you you

ego:
im the other you

ego:
you know..

ego:
the better one

ego:
that you

amica:
what you

amica:
ur not my you

amica:
cuz my you is here with me tonite

ego:
so

ego:
...by this logic

ego:
...you're a calculus textbook?

amica:
hm

amica:
depends if I'm you're my you

amica:
no I'm

amica:
my bad

ego:
your bad?

amica:
ohhh baby

ego:
who's baby?

amica:
you

ego:
WHO THE FUCK IS ON FIRST?

amica:
me

ego:
oh

ego:
...then whos on second?

amica:
you

amica:
not you you

amica:
but my you

ego:
...oh...

ego:
where am i then?

amica:
your on third

ego:
...oh...

ego:
hmm....

ego:
whos pitching?

amica:
you

ego:
im pitching...

ego:
while being on third?

amica:
you

amica:
your's on third

ego:
so im not on third?

amica:
I didnt say you're on third did i?

amica:
i said your on third

amica:
come on

ego:
so....wait where am i?

amica:
PITCHING

ego:
oh...

ego:
then who's on third?

amica:
YOUR

amica:
YOUR ON THIRD.

ego:
whos your?

amica:
you kno

amica:
the guy

amica:
with the pants

ego:
then who's on second?

amica:
thats your

amica:
you

ego:
are you implying that i dont have pants?

amica:
yup

ego:
...which one?

amica:
you

amica:
cuz I stole them off you

ego:
...so you stole his pants and gave them to me?

amica:
no i stole you's them

amica:
not his pants

ego:
oh....

ego:
so where did i get these pants from?

amica:
me

amica:
they're mine

ego:
why am i wearing your pants?

amica:
you stole it

ego:
and what are you wearing if i have your pants?

amica:
my pants

ego:
so....

ego:
uh....

ego:
ok

amica:
I got pants off my

amica:
jeez.

ego:
where's my?

amica:
AT HOME.

ego:
oh

ego:
with the candlestick?

ego:
in the dining room?

amica:
no shit

amica:
thats jack.

amica:
jack shit!

ego:
hes jacking off in your dining room with a candlestick?

ego:
are you sure you want to be wearing his pants?

amica:
no hes jacking shit

ego:
oh....

amica:
and I dont care

ego:
that doesnt really make it better

amica:
cuz how likes to steal shit

ego:
....i have to go now

amica:
bye you!

ego:
...umm....

amica:
you left

ego:
yeah

amica:
no

ego:
it was rude of him

amica:
yeah didnt leave

amica:
WHY WAS IT HIM'S FAULT?

amica:
him is still here too

amica:
jeez.

ego:
yeah

amica:
WHAT ABOUT YEA?

ego:
but hes been stealing shit

amica:
shit

amica:
YEAH*

amica:
NO!

ego:
yea too

ego:
uh huh

amica:
JACK HAS BEEN STEALING SHIT

ego:
sorry to disappoint

ego:
yeah they're in it together

amica:
shit

ego:
yeah

ego:
in shit

ego:
together

ego:
in the library

ego:
with the revolver

ego:
you know what im talking about

amica:
sorry tom, but you doesn't know

ego:
yeah

ego:
i know

amica:
frankly, neither do i

ego:
thats b/c hes a dumbass

amica:
tom is crazy.

amica:
HES?

ego:
oh yeah

amica:
wtf did hes do?

ego:
...beat little children up

amica:
who beat little children up?

ego:
hes

amica:
no

ego:
YEA

amica:
I thought WHO beat little children up

ego:
both of them

ego:
plus you

amica:
didnt know hes did too

ego:
plus bush

amica:
YOU is a GOOD GUY

ego:
dont forget bush

ego:
psh

amica:
fuck bush

ego:
if hes such a good guy...

ego:
then why is he according to you fucking bush?

ego:
hmm?

ego:
answer me that

amica:
I said YOU was a good guy

amica:
not HES

ego:
yeah i am a good guy

ego:
a damn good guy

ego:
whats it to you

ego:
?

amica:
you is angry at tom

ego:
he should be

ego:
tell him to BRING IT

ego:
me and him

ego:
in the conservatory

amica:
HIM?

amica:
or HE?

ego:
with the butcher knife

ego:
ALL OF THE FUCKERS

amica:
fuck the butcher knife

ego:
fine

ego:
with the...wrench

amica:
whats his name?

ego:
his name's larry

ego:
hes a gimp

ego:
and a mute

ego:
and hes only got one eye


. . .


. . .


. . .

yeah. this is called "passing."

:: Tom 1:18 PM [+] ::
...

OI

yeah...oi.

i dont have much time here but im trying to figure out how exactly to describe my experiences here. perhaps a translated and slightly paraphrased excerpt from our first flurbesprechung might be sufficiently instructive...

(flurbesprechung = every nite the supervisors get us all together and shout at us over the rules we managed to break over the course of the past day.)

MARIO, our supervisor dude: ok guys - today we had to have found at least ten or twelve bottles - vodka, beer, whiskey - scattered all around the grounds. this is totally unacceptable and if we have any trouble with this again we´ll have to discipline people very seriously. so please guys would you make an effort to throw out your fucking bottles when you´re done with them, k?

suffice to say it is ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC here.
:: Tom 5:09 AM [+] ::
...

...i wonder if my last comment regarding brian and chris was sufficient in expressing the flood of emotions i'm experiencing right now. an addendum therefore:

"don't go. please don't go. i'll wither and die without you!!!! wither and die!!!"

:: Tom 11:55 PM [+] ::
...

i believe i can fly...i believe i can SOAR...

(my mother spent the entire days calling it SARS; she does that. she also has this brutal habit of removing the article from plural last names. for example, if i go to brendan's house she'll say 'oh tom's at moores',' as opposed to the much more traditional 'oh tom's at the moores'.' only a latin student would be offended...)

anyways for those of you who don't know SOAR is queen's acronym for someting-orientation-something-registration. you get the jist, ne? (queen's apparently is a huge fan of the acronyms. it was all a very WOIF experience for example, FYNIRS and non-FYNIRS alike.)

you would not believe it. i came in a tentative bio major who had picked his concentration entirely out of convenience and default and who was probably going to switch to a BA in Econ within three months. i left....my god i don't know what i left as but i had a copy of the crazy and uber-hardcore "physics for scientists + engineers"...

my timetable, as i invisioned it going in:

bio

chem - the easy one

econ

calc - the easy one

mandarin

phys - the offensively easy one

and as i left it:

bio (still there)

econ (still there)

calc - the intensive one; the one math majors are supposed to take... (what the hell was i thinking?)

chem 116 - the...not-so-easy one

phys 104 - the physics major one...the one i don't have the prerequisite one for...

mandarin

so two notes here: (1)that makes SIX courses; (2)the whole physics controversy - the one whereby i defied the laws of gravity and took the class i had absolutely no right to take, lacking any suggestion of a 12U physics credit - occurred as the result of a half-hour conversation w/ a prof i tracked down @ stirling hall, who emphatically insisted that all physics requires is math anyways and thus immediately approved me and sent me off - prerequisite or no prerequisite - to buy a course text and promised he would make the arrangements necessary if the online program gave me any trouble (very nice guy btw); oh yes and (3) this makes me a fucking moron i know but also turns me from a bio major into a maybe-bio-maybe-chem-maybe-phys-maybe-when-pigs-fly-econ major-or-maybe-medial but its all hypothetical b/c i will die within two months anyways. i should have just taken fucking engineering...

for the record - and i suppose i say this mainly to the gifted crew - this is my penance for not having taken ap calc or phys this year, something about which i have felt terrible; if i survive my first year, then i will have more than paid off for my easy gr. 12 experiences.

(however i now have new material to feel bad about of course: no latin. that was a really hard decision to make.)

maybe this is the point where i should say that i wish everyone the absolute best of luck with school. it really hit me today that the university stage has begun for us all; i'm not scared yet but i know i will be...and for any of you who are already there, i'm wishing you every continued success now.

(sorry; no more of that non-sense from me. what really matters is that i bought my first university text today.)

so the poetry of my day was not wasted on me. having spent (most *productively* too) the morning and afternoon at queen's university, i enjoyed the evening @ queens st. + university.

now this is b/c karin concocted the brilliant idea that she would try to get into REX for a jazz performance. the typical teenage tactic in attempting such a feat usually involves the invaluable assistance of an id of some illegitimate variety; karin naturally went for something of a different approach however. having ordered a coke, and upon being questioned about her age, she begged. she begged and pleaded; oh but its my birthday, oh but i came all the way down from unionville, oh but i swear i won't drink. suffice to say by the time i showed up she was sitting on the patio, with her coke, trying to make out jazz vocals and guitars against the evening traffic. it was...ridiculous? no, just entertaining.

oh but it was a fun night regardless. i'm advising all parties concerned to keep a careful eye on speaker's corner these next few weeks; it may have been karin's birthday and we may at some point have purchased some candles, matches and a piece of pastry and sung happy birthday in front of the entire city - with the help of some random strangers too.

anyways, i feel bad reading other people's blogs, b/c they are so alive w/ that school's-out-summer's-on spirit. my blog lacks it; i actually feel less inclined to post. i will admit my reasons, though it's something i don't like always to touch upon, and which i've only disclosed to a handful of people. the case is that i'm writing a novel. i've made several attempts at this novel over the past three years - all variations on the same themes and ideas; i feel very confident about this attempt first of all in that the last attempt broke 60 pages before i found i couldnt keep up the thread and second because this time around i have complete preparatory notes - plot summaries, character biographies and i've got all the symbolism and research down. (this as i understood it, though extremely grueling and boring, is the more serious, professional approach to the task) and thirdly because i'm really, really enjoying the whole process. why am i announcing this? i don't know; maybe to explain where my creative efforts are going these days, if in un-blog-bound directions; maybe b/c this blog is about what's on my mind and right now this is what's always on my mind. in the future, if it gets places i want it to go, i might put some excerpts up here, get some advice.

dirty confession of the day: i've started liking radiohead. a lot. i have now downloaded almost all their songs. it just hit me a few days ago too - out of nowhere. say what you want about them i know - beforehand i would have hated them too - but something's changed for me and i have a universal defense anyways: time named them the "best rock band in the world." they're natalie portman's fav band. i win ladies and gentlemen.

oh how we shall all dearly miss the digital banter of brian liu and chris chien...brave pioneers in this crazy world...men who dared to build it so that indeed they would come...who saw the potential and said "me too - oh me too."

yeah there was other stuff here at one point. i removed it. guess why.

:: Tom 11:14 PM [+] ::
...

an excerpt from a recent icq chat (im sorry to have lost the actual history so forgive me if there are any...inconsistencies.):

TOMINIUS: so guess who's coming this sunday?

BRIANRIANUS: does the name start with an A and end with a vril Lavigne.

TOMINIUS: ummm...no. it starts with an A and ends with rin and...um....for some reason has a silent "K" at the beginning.

BRIANRIANUS: that's just as good.

suffice to say is a momentous day : ) unfortunately, there are apparently issues of quarantine...

so i uh....reloaded last nite finally. i have to admit i thought it was pretty good - with the obvious exceptions of the superman thing and some of the cg editing. but yeah - not as bad as people were suggesting to me.

:: Tom 8:17 AM [+] ::
...

so how do i explain myself? over the course of the school year - even in the face of some pretty ugly workloads - i sitll managed to put out a few posts a week. now it's the summer - i've got no excuse...and almost two weeks have gone by. what can i say?

i dunno. i feel...uninspired. i suppose i could say a lot but i question how relevant it would be and perhaps more importantly how...entertaining. to be honest, i don't entirely feel like the thoughts passing through my head these past few days are actually coherent or consistent enough to be formed into language. an example:

TU: Tom what did you think of your paintballing experience?

EGO: sagoia jh jaebl;ab no;adbnj a,adl;bjk nab;lkabnakljdfbn ae;klb nhjaekb,aeklmb nmopab hikaenbadil;b jadknblakd

actually, there is a specific statement i've been readily using to summarize my summer-related experiences of yet. An example:

Banting Ex-pres. girl: So what have you been doing now that you're free?

EGO: chillin, killin - a lil shazillin.

true story.

so i woke up this morning to a frightful realization: i'm an old man. i had this conversation with jon some time ago, he being the first of our group to hit the old man stage; do you not recall when we were kids - not that we aren't now mind you - we could eat anything and do anything and were still in perfect condition the next day. those days have apparently passed; over the course of paintballing you see, i may have somehow managed to pull off a rather lengthy sprint across the field, dodging in full gun kata style the deadly approaches of various enemies, for which i paid this morning. i can't move; there is some awful pain in my umm....upper leg.....that acts up whenever i walk and hence i've been avoiding the stairs all day, and have been falling back on a kind of frankenstein-type walk: you know, the kind where you don't move your knees so your whole body kind of swings rigidly back and forth with each step. you know the image.

however its not yet possible for you to picture my condition because you've not been informed that i had an optometrist's appointment today. oh i did. and i got the eye drops - the one that make your pupils swell until your entire eye is an inky black ball a la encounters of the third kind. i always find myself particularly sensitive to these things.

now as any biology student will know (particularly if you've had the pleasure of creatively managing a cow's eye) an enlarged pupil restricts any of your near vision. as a result i had to kind of hold my head back to make sense of anything in front of me; remember in space movies where the rockets about the lift off, and the engines kick in, and the astronaut's head gets jerked back violently with the force of it all - right before his lip starts to curl back as the acceleration hits in? that was the position my head was in.

couple that with the beady alien eyes and the frankenstein walk and you can imagine the monstrosity that was wondering the halls of the carter residence today.

thats going to have to do for tonight - i'll ease back into the blog thing; eventually i'll be able to write the multiple-page wonders for which i used once to be famous.

note i cunningly managed to avoid ending that last sentence with a preposition - easily the worst of grammatical crimes. it's one of those things that really pisses me off.

: )

:: Tom 8:56 PM [+] ::
...